This ain’t my first rodeo…

Maybe it’s the artist’s aesthetic… it’s certainly not Maybelline.

What a day. Starting the post in this way probably makes you think that I’ve been flat out today. Pedal to the metal, work, work, work. No. Today has been distinctly ‘Meh.’. 

I woke up at about 8:50am which is very late for me. I seriously considered binning off joining Joe Wicks’ live stream today as, judging from the distinct lack of natural light in my bedroom, the sun could hardly be bothered to get up so why on earth should I? Besides, it’s grey and it’s raining. Boo.

The Power Of A Promise

Not to me. No, sack me. I’ve broken promises to myself time and time again. This promise was to the listeners of BBC WM. In my previous post, I told how I got carried away and  shared my personal goal of losing 30lbs in 2021. It might be considered a stretch that I made a promise but I certainly made myself accountable and invited their input and opinions. What kind of div would I be if I threw the whole effort away after 2 days? I did the workout. I wasn’t the smoothest but it blew the cobwebs away and prepared me to face the day.

That enthusiasm and drive lasted approximately an hour. After showering and dressing for the day, I abandoned my to-do list and procrastinated in a strong and stealthy fashion.

“Why?? Why am I doing this??!” I inwardly screamed to myself. Then I remembered that we were in a third national lockdown in the midst of a global pandemic which, to date, has been affecting our country for over 10 months. But this is the THIRD lockdown. Surely, I know the ropes and what to expect? Lessons have been learned from the last two lockdowns and prior 10 months. This ain’t my first Rodeo. True, but the rodeo still really, really sucks.

I’ve counted my blessings. I still have job – two, in fact. I have a secure and pleasant home. I have the technology to allow me to connect to family and friends. I have plenty of food and drink (arguably, too much). I have means and the ability to exercise. That’s great.

Still sad. Still bewildered. Still lonely at times. Still grieving.

Still trying really hard to get everything together and be productive- my best self. Still falling short.

I think now is the time to adopt the best friend approach. I was saying to a dear friend who’s had a really tough few years to go waaaaaay easier on herself and take the goal-setting down a hundred or so notches – at least until she can catch her breath emotionally again. I need to do the same thing.

A couple of days after this period, I was considering smothering all this doomy emotion with pizza and wine when I stumbled across a show on IGTV as I was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram.


This was the title of the show on Brendon Burchard’s page and it leapt out at me even though I didn’t consider at the time that this was the issue making me feel so rubbish. As I watched, he basically boiled the reasons for inconsistency down to 2 things:

  1. Detachment – Not recognising the purpose of what you’re doing, and
  2. Randomness – Not blocking out specific times to do what you need to do.

A lightbulb went on. I was feeling lost. Although I’ve still got my main job in education, my role has changed significantly throughout the pandemic and I don’t know how that looks for the future or if I’ll even be required. Also, I was disconnected physically from family and friends who make up so much of my life as the hard lockdown has snatched that away. For now.

As for randomness, my usual routines which normally keep me going have been disrupted. Some of them I’d just wilfully abandoned as I let my emotions run roughshod over my life. But no more. This was the wake up call that I needed to snap me out of it. (For the sake of full disclosure, this wasn’t the kind of wake up call where you spring joyfully out of bed. More where you tentatively poke your foot out of the covers to check the temperature, but the point is, I woke up.)

This may not be my first rodeo and the way life works, it is highly unlikely to be my last, but I can learn how to ride and improve. And so can you.

You can watch the whole Brendon Burchard episode via his Instagram page here – and I recommend you do.

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